$WEIRDThat Weirdo Isn't Satoshi!
A bumbling Hampstead librarian mistaken for Bitcoin's creator becomes the eye of a global storm when a billionaire, a Russian heiress, bumbling spies, and a dogged journalist converge to unmask Satoshi—who turns out to be his even more reclusive neighbor.
A bumbling Hampstead librarian mistaken for Bitcoin's creator becomes the eye of a global storm when a billionaire, a Russian heiress, bumbling spies, and a dogged journalist converge to unmask Satoshi—who turns out to be his even more reclusive neighbor.
Synopsis
In leafy NW3, retired librarian Adam Back endures endless doorstep sieges from crypto obsessives while charging them for tea and insisting he's never touched a computer. When an American whale arrives in a Lambo, a Russian oligarch's daughter descends by helicopter, two bumbling MI6 agents lurk in the shrubbery, and a chain-smoking French reporter demands the truth, Adam's quiet life implodes into a farcical hunt for the real Satoshi. As midnight rain falls in his garden, the true creator emerges from Croydon obscurity, forcing everyone to confront what anonymity really costs. The ensuing chaos mixes high-stakes absurdity with tender revelations about ordinary people dragged into digital legend, culminating in a quiet alliance between the two lookalikes who just want to be left alone.
The story
Adam's tea-and-biscuits routine is shattered by an international invasion of crypto hunters convinced he's Satoshi; he charges them for interviews and accidentally escalates the frenzy.
Clashes, chases, and confessions multiply as the whale, oligarch's daughter, spies, and journalist compete for the 'truth,' while Adam's bumbling leads him straight to the real shy Satoshi hiding next door.
In a rain-soaked midnight garden confrontation, identities are revealed, alliances form, and the two reluctant legends outwit the mob together, restoring their shared peace.
The cast
Balding, messy-haired Hampstead librarian who has never owned a computer and thinks Bitcoin is a racehorse.
dream cast: Simon Pegg
Painfully shy Croydon IT consultant and actual Satoshi who just wants to read in peace.
dream cast: Stephen Merchant
Flashy American Bitcoin whale who arrives in a Lamborghini to claim the creator.
dream cast: Jonah Hill
Helicopter-arriving daughter of a Russian oligarch determined to buy Satoshi's secrets.
dream cast: Anya Taylor-Joy
One half of two hopelessly incompetent MI6 agents tripping over the case.
dream cast: Nick Frost
Chain-smoking French journalist who smells the biggest scoop of his career.
dream cast: Vincent Cassel
Dream crew
in the style of Wes Anderson, for his quirky ensemble precision
in the style of Richard Curtis, for warm British farce
in the style of Alexandre Desplat, for playful tension scores
Cold open
INT. ADAM'S HAMPSTEAD COTTAGE - DAY Rain taps the windows. ADAM BACK, 58, balding and spectacularly messy-haired, glasses sliding, pours tea into mismatched mugs. Outside, a dozen JOURNALISTS huddle under umbrellas. ADAM (tapping the window) Two quid a cup. Cash only. No photos. A LAMBORGHINI screeches to a halt. BUCK HARLAN, 35, jumps out waving a tablet. BUCK Satoshi! We know it's you! Adam sighs, grabs an umbrella, and steps out selling tea. A HELICOPTER whirs overhead. ADAM (to himself) Whatever Bitcoin is, it's ruining my garden.
Why now
In an era of doxxing, digital legends, and the endless hunger to unmask creators, this story captures our collective obsession with anonymity and the quiet people crushed by it, delivering cathartic laughs at the exact moment privacy feels both impossible and priceless.
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Screenplay draft
In Hampstead, one man is about to find out what on earth Bitcoin actually is. He has never owned a computer. He thinks it is a racehorse. He's not the Bitcoin messiah. He's just a very naughty librarian. Starring Adam Back. Directed by Chris Morris. Written by Charlie Kaufman. Produced by Armando Iannucci. A bMovies production. That Weirdo Isn't Satoshi!
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